1) Who always steals the soap in the bathroom? The robber ducky!
2) How do you make a cheese puff? Chase it around the kitchen.
3) An FBI agent was interviewing a bank teller after the bank had been robbed for the third time by the same thief.
"Did you notice anything special about the man?" asked the agent.
"Yes," replied the teller. "He was better dressed each time."
4) A sloth is out for a walk when he's mugged by four snails. After recovering his wits, he goes to make a police report.
"Can you describe the snails?" asks the officer.
"Not well," says the sloth, "it all happened so fast ..."
5) Student: But I don't think I deserve a zero on this exam!
Teacher: Neither do I, but it's the lowest mark I could give you.