Mom,
You're good at letting Dad take the lead and you being the helper. But I'm not. I feel like I know better than my husband does. How come he gets to be the deciding factor? Sometimes I think the whole man as leader thing is more than a tad old-fashioned. Women today are working as hard as men, competing in the marketplace, contributing just as they are. What's up with marriage? Why are we supposed to come home and be the "little woman"?
Okay, prepare for a blunt answer to such a blunt question!
To add a little perspective, women have worked as hard as men since time began—unless they were born into the nobility at Downton Abbey. Your great grandmother worked hard on the farm with conditions that would make all of us wilt—no air-conditioning or appliances for starters.
She grew and canned all their food, sewed their clothes, served a very bitter father-in-law who lived with them, and took in ironing to help make ends meet. So keep in mind that your generation of career-minded women isn't the first to seek balance in work and marriage.
Follow me with a music analogy that I'll use to help explain. When your dad and I got married, I was eager to begin making beautiful music in my marriage. I wanted to play my part well to harmonize with him. I knew helper was the title of my sheet of music, but what did that mean? Other than cooking and doing our combined laundry, I couldn't think of many helpful tasks, which for me—a task-oriented woman—was my approach. Honestly, I had no idea what helper really meant.
The only way to figure it out is to go back to the original score in Genesis.