This past year was one like no other.
I got married and got pregnant. A bunch of other stuff happened, but those two things basically redefined my life.
And it feels like all year, I've been trying to catch my breath. It's been the best year of my life. But it's been a lot.
Because of that, I've struggled with what to write publicly. I went from a season I was pretty confident in (aka, my single teen/young adult years) to a season where I feel clueless (aka, marriage and motherhood). In this new season, it seems like all I've been doing is learning and growing, and so I don't feel like I can write about marriage or motherhood when I'm so desperately new on these adventures.
But at the same time, it suddenly feels disparate to be writing about teenhood when I'm now a wife and mom. Even though I'm only 22 and barely out of my teen years, I feel light years away from my 18-year-old self.
But the transition happened so quickly, my head has been spinning. I'm not quite sure what to say. My writing feels dislocated.
What do you want me to say? What do I feel equipped to say?
I know my readers haven't changed. But I have. And I don't know how to articulate it all.
My day-to-day has swung so radically to a new reality, that writing about it almost seems premature. My new Monday morning is just seeking to be a faithful wife, mom to my unborn baby girl (while anxiously trying to prepare to be a faithful mom when she's outside the womb), and writing coach to my students.
And so I'm trying to figure out my footing in public. What should I blog about? What should I share? How should I say it?
Or should I just be quiet and spend more time learning?
All these thoughts have been ping-ponging around for the past year and I finally wanted to share them with you.
As Joe and I come up on our one-year anniversary next month, I'm beyond thankful for this new life. I wouldn't trade it for anything. But it's posed some new challenges for this writer... who wrote and wrote and wrote publicly for all these years and then suddenly woke up and didn't know what to say.
This is not a goodbye post, a post with a conclusion. If anything, my conclusion is that I DON'T want to stop writing and sharing that with you. But I'm still navigating what that looks like. I want to be humble and slow to speak but helpful and generous with words that could encourage others.
That said, if you've wondered why my blog is a lot quieter these days or why I rarely write for sites like Desiring God or TGC right now or why I haven’t written another book... this is why.
I'm still trying to get a foothold on this crazy, beautiful life God has given me and figure out what to say in this new season.
Thank you for walking this journey with me, friends.