"Wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and don't be bitter toward them. Children, obey your parents in everything for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so they become discouraged." Colossians 3:18-21
Today, we end our series on the family by looking at the head of the family,
"Fathers ..."
First, let's look at the first part of this command to fathers - "do not exasperate your children." Dictionary.com defines this word exasperate as: "to irritate or provoke to the highest degree; annoy extremely." The Merriam-Webster Dictionary says simply, "to excite the anger of." Needless to say, this is a serious thing. Other translations have defined this word as "provoke," "embitter," "aggravate," and "be so hard upon." Basically, it comes down to a father provoking his child to anger, or "discourage[ment]."
But what exactly does that mean? A child being "discouraged"? John Piper has more to say on this:
Now, last but not least, just because Paul only mentions fathers in this passage, he does not negate the mother's role in the familial setting either. Remember on Tuesday when we looked at verse 20, "Children, obey your parents." Then we looked over at Ephesians 6:2, where Paul quotes Exodus 20:12, saying, "Honor your father and mother." (emphasis mine) Throughout the Scriptures, especially the Proverbs, a mother's role is lifted up and honoured. So, though Colossians 3:21 focuses on the father's role and we discussed primarily the father's role, the mother's role is still very important!
The bottom line is that the family is an important, incredible, fantastic, God-given institution that is meant to be exalted and cherished and respected. But, as much as we love our families and our fathers, we must love and exalt our Heavenly Father even more. For it was He who gave us life, rescued us from the darkness, granted us redemption, adopted us into His family, called us heirs, named us sons, and blessed us richly. I think the final stanza of that old hymn, A Christian Home, by Barbara B. Hart and Jean Sibelius sums it up well:
Today, we end our series on the family by looking at the head of the family,
"Fathers ..."
First, let's look at the first part of this command to fathers - "do not exasperate your children." Dictionary.com defines this word exasperate as: "to irritate or provoke to the highest degree; annoy extremely." The Merriam-Webster Dictionary says simply, "to excite the anger of." Needless to say, this is a serious thing. Other translations have defined this word as "provoke," "embitter," "aggravate," and "be so hard upon." Basically, it comes down to a father provoking his child to anger, or "discourage[ment]."
But what exactly does that mean? A child being "discouraged"? John Piper has more to say on this:
"The goal of a good father is to rear children who are not discouraged. The word implies losing heart, being listless, spiritless, disinterested, moody, sullen, with a kind of blank resignation toward life. Don't be the kind of father who rears that kind of person. Instead develop a style of fatherhood that produces the opposite of discouragement. Now what is that? I would sum it up in three characteristics: The opposite of being discouraged is being hopeful. The opposite of being discouraged is being happy. The opposite of being discouraged is being confident and courageous.
So I would say that the negative form of verse 21 really implies a positive command as well. It says, "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged." But it means not only avoid one kind of fatherhood; it also means pursue another kind, namely, the kind of fatherhood which gives hope instead of discouragement; and gives happiness instead of discouragement; and gives confidence and courage."So fathers are to raise kids that are hopeful, happy, and confident and courageous in the Lord. That sounds like a big task. And it is! But it's also a blessing. I know my dad recognizes the huge responsibility he has as a father, but also embraces it and cherishes it.
Now, last but not least, just because Paul only mentions fathers in this passage, he does not negate the mother's role in the familial setting either. Remember on Tuesday when we looked at verse 20, "Children, obey your parents." Then we looked over at Ephesians 6:2, where Paul quotes Exodus 20:12, saying, "Honor your father and mother." (emphasis mine) Throughout the Scriptures, especially the Proverbs, a mother's role is lifted up and honoured. So, though Colossians 3:21 focuses on the father's role and we discussed primarily the father's role, the mother's role is still very important!
The bottom line is that the family is an important, incredible, fantastic, God-given institution that is meant to be exalted and cherished and respected. But, as much as we love our families and our fathers, we must love and exalt our Heavenly Father even more. For it was He who gave us life, rescued us from the darkness, granted us redemption, adopted us into His family, called us heirs, named us sons, and blessed us richly. I think the final stanza of that old hymn, A Christian Home, by Barbara B. Hart and Jean Sibelius sums it up well:
"O Lord, our God, our homes are Thine forever! We trust to Thee their problems, toil, and care. Their bonds of love no enemy can sever if Thou art always Lord and Master there. Be Thou the Center of our least endeavor. Be Thou our Guest, our hearts and homes to share."