And then I started working at a women's clothing store and everything changed. No longer merely conceptual, self-deprecation became a part of my everyday world. Every shift I hear it.
"This makes my arms look fat."
"I would look good in this if I just lost twenty pounds."
"I've gone up a size and I hate myself."
Especially during and after the guilty pleasures of Christmas and Valentine's Day, the self-deprecating talk becomes more prevalent.
What breeds this is insecurity, a universal parasite that invades every woman's life in some shape or form, something that makes her lash out in defense. But as I reflected upon this, I realized that I have equally heard Christian women (and men) speak self-deprecatingly, whether it's about their looks, their actions, their attitudes, or a dozen other things - myself included. And I have to come to see that it looks both out of place and ugly on them. In fact, I would go so far as to say that I believe it is sin.
Self-deprecation is a form of false humility. Some people harp on themselves just for the sheer pleasure of hearing you contradict them. But others don't realize that this sort of talk draws prideful attention to the speaker.
Furthermore, it makes others feel awkward! I can't count the amount of times I've not known how to respond to self deprecation. Do I make a joke? Offer sympathy?
But self-deprecation is also a defense against vulnerability, a thin veneer over our insecurity, something that is equally important to recognize. We think that if we're open and talkative about our flaws that it somehow makes us invincible to the pain they cause us. But this is a dangerous and unhealthy way for the Christian to manage her fears and struggles. Self-deprecation is a form of pride, but at its root lies a need for godly wisdom on how to deal with our insecurity and shame.
So open up the conversation. We can all be guilty of craving attention and succumbing to the shame of insecurity. Repent and be honest. Seek out godly mentors. Talk to your pastor. Most importantly, bury yourself in the Word.
For the follower of Christ, we have been freed from the bondage of self-belittlement and loathing. We have been deemed worthy because of the blood of Christ. He has made us His. That should cause us to bask in humility.
And that will make us beautiful.