Modest: A Review
Modest: Men and Women Clothed in the Gospel by R.W. Glenn and Tim Challies is a book I had greatly anticipated reading. Like most other Christian women, young and old, I have read much on the subject of modesty. I felt very much like Gloria Furman when I picked up the book. In her review of Modest, she wrote:
I have never read an entire book devoted to the subject of modesty, but I’ve read several articles and chapters on the subject. These articles and chapters focused on things like bathing suits, movies, wedding dresses, and lipstick. And none of the articles ever began like this book does: “In the pages that follow, we will not focus on your wardrobe.”
And that's one reason I found this book refreshing. It was so different than much modesty material today. Instead of focusing overly and only on clothes, these two sage pastors showed how modesty is a part of all of life and must be rooted in the gospel. They wrote in what was the heart of their message:
When it comes to modesty, we [today] define the term too narrowly (our first mistake) and then surround ourselves with rules like "only this low," "at least this long," "never in this combination," and "never so tight that _____ shows." In fairly short order, the gospel is replaced with regulations. Indeed, in this particular area, the regulations become our gospel - a gospel of bondage rather than freedom. The truth we are missing in all this mess is that the gospel of grace informs and gives shape to what it means to be modest."
And I agree. I absolutely believe that modesty is first an issue of the heart and, like all other areas of choice in a Christian's life, must be rooted in the gospel. I echo Gloria Furman again wholeheartedly when she wrote,
I’m thankful for this book because I've personally come to a greater appreciation of how my personal behavior and choices are an outflow and entailment of the gospel.
Modest is less about clothing than it is about the heart, less about one area, more about all of life, less about law, more about grace. And that's what I love - but also have a bit of a problem with. At the beginning of their final chapter, Challies and Glenn wrote,
Despite everything we've said in this book - even after all the language about how modesty can't be captured in a set of rules - be honest with yourself. At some level, don't you expect us now to give you a set of rules? Or at least a list or some really concrete, specific guidelines? At some level, don't you wish we could? ... For our own sakes and for the gospel's, we will not go there. To give you any kind of list would simply replace immodesty with legalism; you might feel better for a while, but we'd all be missing the heart of the issue."
This is where I disagree. A list is not legalism, and asking ourselves (and other women) "how low is too low" and "how tight is too tight" can be very appropriate. In fact, I highly recommend a practical list of clothing questions called the Modesty Heart Check by Carolyn Mahaney and her daughters. Yes, I understand the point Challies and Glenn are focusing in on (i.e. that modesty is about the gospel of grace, not the lists of legalism), and I recognize that when offering a criticism, it is difficult for one who has never read the book to understand the proper context of just one quote, but this is a theme that has weaved its way through the whole book. I understand Challies and Glenn's point, but, unless I'm misunderstanding them, I believe their ardent desire to stay away from any kind of modest clothing guidelines is ultimately unhealthy. Just because modesty is rooted in the gospel of grace does not mean we can't ask practical questions about what clothes we wear. I believe it is honouring to God to ask these questions! It's true, lists can be legalistic. But they don't have to be.
So would I recommend Modest? Yes. There's much good stuff in here. I particularly loved their chapter, "Why We're Not Modest," and their biblical reasons for the rampant immodesty today. But I would caution anyone reading it to be aware of Challies' and Glenn's biases and to recognize them accordingly.
Buy Modest here.
Modesty and Self-Control
"Likewise also [I desire] that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works."
Now I'll admit, I've read this passage many a time, but what really stuck out to me this time was the connection between modesty and self-control. Right in verse nine, Paul desires that women should dress "in respectable apparel" and then he explains what that means - "with modesty and self-control." What I find interesting about those two things is how they are so tightly bound together. For example, you can't have modesty without self-control - to be modest is to be self-controlled. But you can't have self-control without modesty - if you are self-controlled you will also be modest. Yet here we are at the age-old question, "What is modesty?" And then, in the same vein, "What is self-control?" Let's take a brief look.
Modesty
The dictionary defines modesty as "to have or show regard for the decencies of behavior, speech, dress, etc." So modesty does not just relate to clothing (though that is a big part). It also relates to how we act and what we say. But modesty in speech and action will quickly leak into how we dress as well. Now I'm not going to give you a neat little document telling you exactly what clothing I think is modest, what stores you should or should not shop at, what brand of bathing suit you should buy, or how low your neckline should be. That's not something I can decide for you. In a post on modesty I wrote a few months ago, I pointed out that as Christians, the biblical requirements for our clothes are that we should dress to reflect our inner beauty (1 Peter 3:3-4), encourage our brothers in the faith (1 Thessalonians 5:11), and, most importantly, exalt Christ. (1 Corinthians 10:31) So if your clothes do that, then you are certainly modest. (For a modesty checklist that takes a more practical look at your clothing, have a read of Carolyn Mahaney's Modesty Checklist.)
Self-Control
But as I've already mentioned, modesty and self-control are so interweaved, you can't have one without the other. As to the definition of self-control, it's pretty self-explanatory. It's control of self. If you have self-control, you know how to control your emotions, desires, senses, actions and ... yes, clothing. In the eleven times self-control is mentioned in the Bible, it is always exalted or praised. Someone who has self-control is considered wise and discerning. (Proverbs 25:28) So let's seek to cultivate a spirit of self-control. (1 Timothy 1:7)
So, this summer, whether we go to the mall to buy a bathing suit or if we're off to the beach, let's think about the way we dress, the message we give through our clothing, and decide if we're really dressing with modesty and self-control.
Worldview vs. Biblical View: Modesty
The Worldview: Just Wear What You Wanna Wear
The world says, "If it looks and feels good, buy it. If you have nice curves, show them off. Pick tops that show cleavage, to catch a guy's eye. That's attractive. It's beautiful. It's what's in. The bottom line? Just wear what you wanna wear." The world deceives many, many woman with this view. The more skin you show, the tighter your clothes are, the more guys that lust after you - that's what makes you beautiful. It's very sad. Woman all over the world, non-Christian woman and Christian woman alike, have bought into this lie. If the shoe fits, wear it. If I think I like it and I look good in it, I will wear it. Modesty is relative. What's modest for me may be immodest for you. But that's okay. Just wear what you wanna wear.
The Biblical View: Dress to Reflect, Exalt, and Encourage
"Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." (1 Peter 3:3-4) This passage is almost always looked at in regard to biblical modesty. And rightly so! It perfectly encapsulates the message of modesty: we are to dress to reflect. To reflect not our external adorning, but the hidden person of the heart - our internal adorning.
"So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." (1 Corinthians 10:31) This verse basically sums up the last two reasons why we dress modestly. We dress to exalt Christ. For that is the main reason we do anything. Lastly, we must also be aware of our brothers in the faith who struggle with lust. When a woman dresses immodestly, she often forgets or doesn't realize that she is causing her Christian brother to stumble in his faith. But on the flip side, by dressing modestly, we dress to encourage our Christian brothers.
So the next time you go clothes shopping or decide to go through your closet, line your clothing up to God's standards - does it reflect a gentle and quiet spirit, does it encourage your brothers in the faith, and does it exalt Christ?
For more on biblical modesty, I would recommend reading "A Modesty Heart Check," a fantastic list composed by Carolyn Mahaney. I would also highly recommend Mary Kassian's "What Not to Wear," an article on three guidelines of modesty.
Pondering Proverbs - Part 3: Deceit, Vanity, Fear and Praise
"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30
At the beginning of this series, I mentioned how I thought Proverbs 6:6 was a fitting verse to begin "Pondering Proverbs," and now, the verse I've chosen for today (Proverbs 31:30) is, what I think, a fitting verse to close this short series.
This Proverb is a Proverb that's applicable to all women, women in all walks and stages of life. From a teenage girl to a middle-aged mother, to a hundred-year old woman to every woman in between. It's a Proverb that we may not want to hear, but it's a Proverb with a message that must be heard. It's a Proverb that we may want to discard, but it's a Proverb that must be treasured. It's a Proverb that covers many of the things that women deal with - deceit, vanity, fear, and praise. So let's take a look at this Proverb!
Deceit and Vanity
We may laugh at the beginning of Proverbs 31:30: "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain"? As if! It seems that in this world charm and beauty are all that matters! If you're beautiful, you've got it made. Or not. King Lemuel, who wrote Proverbs 31, based on the teachings of his mom (Proverbs 31:1), thinks differently. He seems to think that charm and beauty are not all that matters. He seems to think that charm and beauty are not the most important things in the world. He seems to think along the same lines as the ESV Online Study Bible: "A godly woman may well have outward charm and beauty, but these are of secondary importance to her godliness." (emphasis added) Beauty is not of first importance. Godliness is. "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain ..." Beauty may last for a few years, but it's fleeting. It's like smoke. It can vanish in a second. (Now, on a quick side note, let me just say that I'm not bashing beauty products. I love sparkly lip gloss just as much as the next girl! I'm simply saying that we must never exalt beauty above the Lord.) "So, son," Lemuel's mama concludes, "when you're looking for a wife, let the first attribute you look for be godliness, for charm is deceitful and beauty is vain!"
Fear and Praise
"... but a woman who fears the LORD will be praised." When I hear that verse, I think back to Proverbs 1:7, the central verse of Proverbs - "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction." So what does it mean to fear the Lord? For this, I'm going to go to the Holman Christian Standard Study Bible: "The fear of the Lord involves awe, reverence, love, and trust in God. It accompanies knowledge, humility, obedience, and blessing. (Proverbs 8:13; Proverbs 10:27; Proverbs 14:26-27; Proverbs 16:6; Proverbs 19:23; Proverbs 22:4)" So, like our ESV friends said above, fear of the Lord in Proverbs 31:30 is talking about godliness. Thus, godliness, the fear of the Lord, results in praise. What kind of praise, we wonder? She will be recognized for her godliness by others - i.e. her husband (if she has one), her children, her friends, her family. She will be esteemed. Honoured. Respected.
So, as we live in the world and not of it (John 17:14-15), let's strive to refuse to exalt charm and beauty as the ultimate and fear the Lord. For then, we shall be praised.
A Reminder of Modesty from the Beach
This morning, as I lay stretched out on a towel at our nearby beach, I was reminded of a very important attribute that is especially needed in the summer - modesty. As I saw all the scantily-clad young women and other immodestly dressed people, I was reminded of another important truth - the definition of modesty. I know that I sometimes find myself thinking that modesty is only about the clothes. But in reality, you can be dressed in a parka and snow pants at the beach in July and you can still very much be immodest. And that's because immodesty is anything that we wear or do or say that brings glory to us, not glory to God. We can speak immodestly, act immodestly, and, what I want to talk about, dress immodestly.
Many people have this mistaken understanding that only girls can dress immodestly. But that's simply not true. The summer camp that I'm going to next week recognizes that boys and girls can both dress immodestly. In their "What to Pack" checklist, they include a note at the bottom which reads: "All clothing must be modest. This applies to boys and girls." Immodest dress doesn't just have to be a tube top and skimpy shorts (though that is certainly immodest!). It is anything that glorifies you and your body instead of God. That's why boys can just as easily dress immodestly as girls.When they wear clothes that draw attention to themselves instead of God, they are dressing immodestly.
So when it's time to go shopping for summer clothes, remember that immodesty doesn't just have to be scanty clothes; it is anything that brings undue glory to you.
"The clothes we wear are what people see. Only God can look on the heart. The outward signs are important. They reveal something of what is inside. If charity is there, it will become visible outwardly, but if you have no charitable feelings, you can still obey the command. Put it on as simply and consciously as you put on a coat. You choose it; you pick it up; you put it on. This is what you want to wear." - Elisabeth Elliot
A Modesty Heart Check
My mom and I are going through a book right now called Girl Talk: Mother-Daughter Conversations on Biblical Womanhood by Carolyn Mahaney and Nicole Mahaney Whitacre, a mother and daughter. At the back of the book, it shares a fantastic piece called "A Modesty Heart Check." If you're a girl, young lady, older lady, or any woman, modesty is a big issue in today's age. As I read through this checklist, I was convicted and I hope you are too!
1. What statement do my clothes make about my heart?
2. In choosing what clothes to wear today, whose attention do I desire , and whose approval do I crave? Am I seeking to please God or impress others?
3. Is what I wear consistent with the biblical values of modesty, self-control, and respectable apparel, or does my dress reveal an inordinate identification and fascination with sinful cultural values?
4. Who am I trying to identify with through my dress? Is the Word of God my standard or is it the latest fashion?
5. Have I asked other godly individuals to evaluate my wardrobe?
6. Does my clothing reveal an allegiance to the gospel, or is there any contradiction between my profession of faith and my practice of godliness?
"Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works." 1 Timothy 2:9-10